What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
