How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I need a beard to bite.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
