So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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