I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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