He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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