You're my little dorito
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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