consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
