I want to make a zoo with you.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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