You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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