after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
