the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
