I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
