How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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