My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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