Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
