You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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