so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
