I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
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I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
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I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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