My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
