well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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