you guys were way drunker than both of me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
