i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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