We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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