Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
