Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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