his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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