so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
