Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
