I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the condom got lost in my hair
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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