Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
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For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
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I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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