once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
