I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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