You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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