Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
