I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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