woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Acid is not a monday night drug
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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