He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize