I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
