Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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