I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
