I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
