He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
