38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
