your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
