i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?