When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?