My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least