he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit