Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.