I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra