In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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