good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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