I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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