She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
