If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
