Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
