I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
