Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
