i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
