We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
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I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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