Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
