Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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