P.S. I can't hear my feet
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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