Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Couch. On fire.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
