i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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