there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
