oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize