Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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