She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
