I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
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I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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