It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
