I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
