She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
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