my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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