someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
