Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize