your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
