My room smells like vodka and shame
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize